![]() ![]() Validate their feelings, don’t minimize them Asking someone who’s upset or grieving what they need puts the onus on them to help you feel useful. Open-ended statements and questions like, “I’m here if you need anything,” “How can I help?” or, “What do you need?” are too broad. If you don’t typically make phone calls, it may take the other person by surprise if you’re suddenly calling them stay consistent with your typical method of communication. A best friend or a sibling grieving the death of a pet may warrant a face-to-face conversation while a text should suffice for a coworker going through a breakup. These sentiments are quick, but not unfeeling, don’t require a response, and show your loved one you’re available should they choose to engage.Ĭonsider the closeness of the relationship when weighing what to say and how to deliver the message. “I’m thinking of you,” “You crossed my mind today,” and “I’m just checking in” are also helpful entry points, says licensed marriage and family therapist Kiaundra Jackson. “We don’t expect when someone is in crisis that they’re going to have a good day,” Cohen says. ![]() Questions that are too direct like, “Did you have a good day?” can seem cliché. What to say in those initial calls or texts? Cohen suggests, “How are you feeling today?” Because the inquiry is so open-ended, your loved one can answer honestly and as in-depth as they’d like. In her work studying reactions to personal trauma, Silver and her colleagues have found making a phone call and offering to visit are the simplest and most impactful forms of service. Initiate a conversation with open-ended statementsĪmong the most helpful ways to support someone experiencing hardship is simply being available, says Roxane Cohen Silver, a distinguished professor of psychological science, public health, and medicine at the University of California Irvine. Here’s some advice on how to reach out and offer assistance to a loved one going through a difficult time. ![]() Don’t let a concern for bungling your words or offering a potentially tone-deaf favor prevent you from showing up for your people. Having people to lean on - and vice versa - can increase resilience to stress and blunt the effects of trauma and depression. Receiving positive social support is crucial to the human experience. “The truth is, if everyone’s thinking like that, it’s quite possible that no one’s doing it.” “A lot of times people think, ‘Everyone is bringing dinner, so I won’t,’” she says. However, the people most likely to provide a helping hand are often hesitant out of a fear they might say or do the wrong thing or are perplexed by what their hurting loved one even needs, says family grief counselor Jill Cohen. When the inevitable happens - your friend’s sudden loss of a parent, your cousin’s unexpected layoff - it can sometimes feel awkward or difficult to bridge the gap and figure out how to offer help. Periods of difficulty can impact anyone in life, no matter how put-together they might seem. ![]()
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